Nursing flashback

   This morning I sat down to my computer for which I thought would be maybe a few hours. Within the first thirty minutes I knew I was going to have problems. Every time I clicked on something, I would get the multi colored disc wheel of death (mac wheel). It would sit and spin while I did the dishes, I would finally get it to close out and stop, go to open something else up and back the death wheel would come, so on to another chore to wait. I did so much deep breathing at one point I thought I would hyperventilate.
   I do believe man created computers to put just one more thing on this planet that would trigger our anger and pent up hostilities. Working on the computer is definitely  a lesson in staying calm and focused,  a exercise in patience (which I struggle with) and a knowledge bender in working with their language. In other words, I despise them as much as I love them.
   When I was a nurse , every thing we did was recorded in the computer. Every thing I did, gave or said to a patient was documented.  We were encouraged to document every hour but realistically this did not happen. You were just to darn busy. So on average I would say I charted every 2-3 hours but I wrote everything down on paper till I could get to the hospital monster. In some hospitals it was worse than others as the computer system would go down. Could be by accident, for maintenance or other various reasons the computer could think of to annoy us. But the panic that would occur was overwhelming.  If for some reason It had been 3 hours since I last had time to chart and now the computers went down, it was reasonable for it to be another 3-4 hours before that chance would come again.  It would be a hour before my shift was ending when the computers would come back online.
There I would sit, feverishly pounding at the keyboard, praying for it to be over.
   For the first half of my career as a nurse, I had NO practice except if stress and panic were a practice, well I was almost dam perfect. I could have taught the class! Eventually I was eased in the direction of meditation, deep breathing and mindfulness so I would sit at the computer huffing and puffing as I tried to deep breath my way out of it. It was simply because of too much oxygen rushing to my head and feeling lightheaded that I was calmer at the computer. Today I had one of those moments and had to just laugh, knowing that the computer ALWAYS wins and its a game of futility!

Be calm my little butterfly!

Always with you


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