A picture of my mind

   I am laughing to myself right now when I contemplate telling you how my mind looks. What a opener for a joke! It looks like…….? Well frankly right now except for the words I am forming in my brain it is pretty empty. And yes I am blonde. See a joke in the making.
   During most of my day my mind is either thinking occasionally about the task I am focused on and what it entails or my breathing. That is pretty much it. For mindless tasks such as washing dishes, vacuuming, ironing and other automatic tasks my mind is just watching. Watching the task being performed but ready to step in for any deviation in the task. Over all it is quiet. The ticker tape of thoughts that run continuously throughout your day are just that for me, a observed ticker tape of thoughts. I really do not see them much anymore.  When I am in a “thinking mode” it is totally present in this moment and what steps are needed for that task.
   Someone asked me sometime ago if it was some kind of “Nirvana” that I experienced. I laughed, then laughed harder. I explained the “Nirvana” is from the fact I am not caught up in my thoughts. My day is not riddled with various thoughts of not particularly great thoughts from past events or of future events I have no control over. I would not give this the label of ‘Nirvana” but instead as I like to call it “bliss in my quiet room”. Nirvana to me is some kind of enlightenment which I am not. I don’t even think I am close but I do know what peace looks like. Is my mind quiet 24 hours a day with never a worry or unpure thought? Are you kidding me? I am still a human! But on average yes my mind is quieter, peaceful and I am not as quick to judgement as I once was and have more clarity in life.
   How long did it take me of doing meditation before this happened? Well I can not exactly answer this because in some ways I have always lived in the moment but just did not notice until later in life. I use to think I had a poor memory with possible Alzheimer’s setting in at 25! I could barely remember my childhood and as time passed I could not always remember events the way others could. The only imprinting on my memory seemed to be around music, which would lead me to memories of who I was with and where. It took me years to realize that I was so present that I do not seem to make memories the ways other do. Even the bad things that I have had in my life after a few years seem to fade into obscurity and just become a distant memory with very few feelings associated with it. This also helps me in forgiveness. If you don’t remember things you can’t hold on to stuff. What a gift!
I would say over the past 4 years I noticed my mind becoming much quieter and peaceful with daily meditation. But you must understand, I practice meditation and mindfulness constantly. I no longer am conscious of it which is kind of weird to me still. When I walk i notice how my feet feel as i walk and everything around me, no thinking. When I sit outside I am just aware of being in that space and what is around me and how the breeze feels and air smells. Reading is dangerous to me because when I read, I read every word noticing how the pages feel and get absorbed in the story. I have taken up audible (audio books) for this reason. I seem to put a different level of concentration in audio books compared to reading them. I frequently during my day take what I call my power 5 minutes, where I close my eyes and just breath, not really trying to meditate because 5 minutes is not enough to get into that state however it keeps my mind calm and peaceful for hours.
   What is it like when I go into a meditative state? HMMMMM? The best way to describe it is like sleeping wide awake and floating. Weird right? I am sitting there with my eyes closed, back straight, legs crossed. In the past within 1 minute my mind would be racing and I would become irritated at having to sit there when I had so much to do. It was a fight every day just to do 10 minutes. Overtime, I began to notice these thoughts more quickly as well as the annoyance and just ignore them and go back to watching my breath. That’s how you know your making progress. Then after several months of 20-30 minutes I suddenly one day went into this kind of dreamy state like I was asleep but I knew I wasn’t in a dreamy kind of way. I could feel myself sitting up straight yet at the same time it was if I was someone else and watching her. It was just too cool. I continued this for sometime until something disturbed me and I came out of it. I had been in meditation for close to a hour. I was hooked. From that day forward I began meditating for no less than 30 minutes 2x a day. I do set a alarm if I have things to do because this is such a wonderful feeling of total relaxation and something I think of my connection with my big Kahuna. It is a hour of silent prayer and communion with my maker.
   I will also add that when I started I used a program called Holosync, which if your interested you can look up at Centerpointe.com and read on it. It uses mind entrapment which in the beginning was so helpful and I still use it today in the mornings when my mind is a little frisky to have to sit there when it just got out of bed! It is wonderful for beginners because of the brain entrapment, you really do experience meditation quickly. It is also supposed to help your nervous system basically work out traumas from the past which I guess I could say it must because I have much fewer issues these days than I use to. I do not wish to become the poster child for Holosync but it does work but it can only be used for a set amount of time a day otherwise it can make you so irritated after, it is just not worth it. I have seen where people said they had problems with it but I have to say, if you have a lot of stuff bottled up inside chances are you WILL have problems with it. That is a good thing. As Bill the designer of it says “Be okay with whatever is happening.”
   Start today for 5 minutes, with your eyes closed just focus on your breathing and watch your thoughts but don’t be a part of them. Experience bliss in the quiet room.

Be well my Cheerios!


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